Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
