the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
