i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
