if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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