Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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