If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
