Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said