Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".