So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy