Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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