He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself