his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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