Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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