you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
