Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
