so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
