she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...