Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything