I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
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Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.