i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She liked it
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
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i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said