Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.