Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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