you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
