At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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