I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
