i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
