I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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