Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
