My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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