i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
