Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
