Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
