theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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