I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
