I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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