OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Couch. On fire.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
