i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
