You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
where are my eyebrows?
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