Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
