I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
