just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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