I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
