meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize