Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think my moral compass just broke
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
