I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
