She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
