1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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