I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
