kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
