Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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