You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
