A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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