fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
