I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
