You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
