I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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