I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
