i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
