I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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