Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize