Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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