I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
