wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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