Old men and throwing up are my life now.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
