My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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