Cold hands, warm shart.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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