smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
