i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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