I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
