So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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