if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
