if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
