just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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