C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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