i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
